


This Green Glow When I Close My Eyes

by asongstress1422



Series: Fire in the Stars [4]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VIII: The Last Jedi, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Anger, Death, F/M, Fear, Force Bond, Memories, Monster - Freeform, Nightmares, Sad, carbon monoxide poisoning, light vs dark
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-12
Updated: 2018-01-12
Packaged: 2019-03-04 01:27:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 549
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13353630
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/asongstress1422/pseuds/asongstress1422
Summary: Kylo deals with the aftermath of his actions.





	This Green Glow When I Close My Eyes

**Author's Note:**

> This is part 4. Please check out my other parts to get the full picture. 
> 
> Thanks to susumiya08 for getting me creative juices flowing when I was stuck.

Kylo drops back into his body gasping. Sweat drips off his skin and he has just enough fortitude to roll to the edge of his bed before he vomits. With that acrid bitterness in his mouth and the near crippling dizziness he force himself up.

Stumbling across the caveness room he makes it to the wall. Pressing on a panel it pops open to reveal a storage compartment with a full-face oxygen respirator. Holding his panic at bay he slips the mask over his head and turns the oxygen canister to open. Cool relief floods his system as he forces himself to take deep, even breaths even as his vision blurs and he sinks slowly to the cold bondite floor.

The duality of sensations brings through their bond brings him closer to Rey and, for a moment, they breath in time with each other. He feels the sun on her face as their chest expanding to draw the concentrated oxygen in and compressing to expel the carbon monoxide that was killing them. He feels her heart beating and it comforts him like nothing else can and he bask in the warmth of her presence.

Then she feels him and is shoving him away. Building up her walls and squeeze him out until the bond snaps and he his left once again alone in the dark.

He’s messed up, he knows he messed up. When he closes his eyes all he can see is her crying over that child's body.

That child, she had called him ‘Mica’. An unimpressive mineral group that held little in the way of importance. No doubt the boy was the same.

Yet she had cried her heart out over him.

 _Monster_.

He hears the word as if she had screamed it at him again, the reverberation cutting. He sneers. He should have never told her he new an attack was coming, there was no need for her to know he had a hand in it.

 _And, what, let her die?_ his mind chides.

She wasn’t there, he argued against himself.

_You didn’t know that._

He didn’t. When he learned of the attack he had panicked, his only thought was saving her, knowing he wouldn’t be able to live with himself if his actions killed her. Not Rey. Not his first glimpse of innocents in his dark world. Her goodness a warming beacon.

A beacon she had shown on a child that he and his darkness had killed.

_Monster._

He rips the mask from his face, tearing it and the oxygen tank from its shelving and hurling it across the room with all his insurmountable strength. It hits the fall wall hard enough to dent it, falling useless to the floor with a hiss and a pop as the canister crumbles in on itself.

He offered her the galaxy, a place at his side, and all the power at his disposal.

Yet she still cries over the lost of a powerless child.

 _He hears the hum of the light saber and feels the charge in the air._ Ben Solo falls to his knees on a wave of nausea and vertigo, his breathing uneven, reliving memories he thought he had killed. 

He slams his fist into the ground as tears blurr his eyes, disgusted with his weakness.

**Author's Note:**

> I love hearing from you guys! Let me know what you liked, what you would change, what you might like to see going forward.


End file.
